The month of November is usually an emotional time for me as we remember those who have given their lives in the name of peace. In the Catholic Church we have two main feasts during November: the 1st is All Saints’ Day and the 2nd is All Souls’ Day. In the Philippines, those dates are declared official government holidays and they are celebrated all throughout the country. People living in the cities often travel back to visit departed loved ones in cemeteries and pay their respects by lighting a candle, saying prayers, bringing flowers and meeting other relatives and friends who might also be visiting. It becomes a big reunion of so many people in the cemeteries!
At this time I remember more so my departed loved ones, and how I miss them and our time together when they were still alive. Being away from home also reminds me how I miss being with my living family and friends whom I cannot be with, as my mission assignment is here in Britain.
There is also extra sadness in my heart whenever this season comes, as November 21st is also the anniversary of the death of Ba, Mrs. Parmar, the mother of my fiancé Kush, whom we miss very much. She, together with her husband, taught Kush and his sister Rekha the interreligious dialogue in action and deeds, which I experienced in their family when she was still alive and still do despite her passing. Though they are from the Hindu tradition and I am a Christian, their family unconditionally welcomed me. In the Gospel Jesus is like this; he welcomes everyone regardless of their background. I feel so blessed!
There is additional sadness that comes to mind, especially this year. Kush and I have two friends who have lost family members recently and have needed to organise a commemoration day and funeral during November. We have tried our best to support these friends and attended the funerals to mourn with them.
When we received the invitations to the funerals, I was surprised. Unlike in the Philippines where we are asked to wear back or white, one family requested we wear colourful clothes, as colourful as the life of the departed, and the other requested purple or beige attire. On both occasions at the reception, there were prayers, messages, and to my surprise, celebrations of their life too. It was like a reunion also. Favourite songs of the departed were played, and people were encouraged to stand up and dance to celebrate their life. It is a different way of remembering the departed, but it is a beautiful way, and I liked it!
At one of these occasions, during the funeral Mass, the grandson of the departed read a beautiful poem which I think set the tone of the day. The poem was based on a short verse by David Harkins, an uplifting poem about being grateful for a loved one’s life.
She is gone
You can shed tears that she is gone
Or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
Or you can be full of the love that you shared.
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember her and only that she is gone
Or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back
Or you can do what she would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.
David Harkins
This poem really touched my heart. I know it is not easy to smile, to open your eyes, be full of love, be happy and to go on when you’ve lost someone. It takes a lot of faith and courage to be able to do so. I do admire them because I saw it in their family and friends: they do what she would want.
Keeping the message of that poem in my mind, when I was asked to join the choir to sing at the graveyard with my fiancé Kush, to sing upbeat songs, I sang with my heart the praise and worship songs full of hope and trust in the Lord. It is different from the traditions in my country, wherein only sad songs or mellow songs are played during the commemoration and funeral, but it is also a wonderful way to remember and celebrate the life of the departed.
These different ways of commemorating the departed also reminded me of one of the letters of St. Paul in the Bible, 1 Thessalonians 4:13–14,18: Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
Remembering the departed is different depending on the background, traditions, and preferences of people. Some prefer to have a funeral with a simple moment of silence, wherein people show their respect and pray silently in their hearts. Like in the funeral of the mum of Kush, Mrs. Parmar, which was also solemn and beautiful, although different from our tradition in the Philippines.
When I depart, I do not mind in what way I am remembered, but I hope my loved ones, family, and friends will be courageous, and their bond of love is strong enough to help and support one another. I hope most of all that they remain hopefull, because as a believer in Jesus, I believe in the resurrection. For me, death is not the end, for we will all see each other again in heaven. It is not ‘goodbye’ when we depart, but ‘see you later!’
